I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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