At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
