"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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