I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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