I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
