I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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