Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
