Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
