fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
