No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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