Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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