yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
