we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
