when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
