Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
