I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
His hands were made for my vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
