The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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