is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize