Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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