Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
