She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
