Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
