Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
