I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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