my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
