He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
