Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize