I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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