My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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