So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
