Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
