Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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