there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
