Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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