remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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