I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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