im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's never too late to be topless.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
