Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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