Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
