Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize