First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
