Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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