Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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