The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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