If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sorry about my life...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
