not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
