I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
