i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
