i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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