dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
