I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
