It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
