WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize