Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
