Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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