Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
