Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
