I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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