There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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