you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Welp...herpes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
