people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
