She's JV to your varsity
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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