I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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