garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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