I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
