just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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