she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
