i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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