Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
