Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
