remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You can't motorboat a personality
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
