Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
