It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
