My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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